Dear Gay Allies, Don't Paint a Rainbow 🌈 Target on My Back

A letter from a journalist on the frontlines

You’ve probably noticed a wide array of companies whose logos change to rainbow colors during the month of June.

Obviously, it’s Pride Month.

For one month of the year, corporations declare their close alliance with the LGBTQIA+ community. It’s always great to have allies, right?

Apparently, for the reporter in this article, those colorful emblems can also get you killed. With allies like that, who needs enemies?

Peter William Murphy

asked me to pass along this completely real and serious warning. Don’t bother looking up the countries or names mentioned; they’re very obscure (they also might be fictional).

Image created by Peter William Murphy

Dear Gay Allies,

I am not a homophobe, but I am undercover in a conservative country where the penalty for being gay is, unfortunately, death by being thrown off the top of a six-story building.

Let me explain.

Last summer, my newspaper, The Hopeful Trinity, selected me to travel to Rhappasthan to cover King Muluticka’s Square protests.

My assignment was simple: Travel to Rhappastan, meet my liaison, dress in traditional garb, make my way to the protest, and learn as much as possible to show the folks back home why we need a closed border. — Don’t worry, I’m also undercover for The New York Times, doing a story on why THT supporters are dangerous.

My liaison, Rhamut, had everything I needed in the hotel, including a fake beard and a white towel to cover my blonde Western hair.

Everything was going according to plan until I got a notification on my phone from my bank informing me that they’d be changing the colors of their logo for Pride Month.

This made me nervous, so I promptly put my phone away, but before I could, a fellow passenger saw and cried out, “Gay! Gay! Ahmdullah, Gay!”

Chaos erupted, and I was quickly swarmed by rabid locals and taken to the Gay Killing Machine, AKA the roof.

If it weren’t for my liaison, Rhamut, talking them down, I would have been toast.

Now, I don’t much mind Pride month.

I’m all for it, as long as I don’t have to see it in the street, the schools, on television, and in politics (remember, I’m still undercover), and I understand why you do it: to look good.

But not all your customers live in San Fran or South Dublin, so maybe next time, check my location before you put a target on my back.

But I digress; what was the real issue again? Oh yes, Rhamut is dead.

The masses accused him of defending a Westerner, which, to be fair, he was, and threw him off the top of the Gay Killing Machine.

I paid a fine and got back to work, but my point remains the same: support for LGBTQ issues does not have to be broadcast to our devices without our consent.

There are valid reasons why a journalist such as myself may not want the gay colors on my phone when I’m neck deep behind enemy lines, or if you're a New York Times reader, breaking bread with the oppressed.

In another venture, I explored the Hindakhunta culture on behalf of Nat Geo Kids. This time, I wasn’t undercover, but I was without my laptop, so I had to rely on my phone.

The point of the piece was to explore Khunta dating, and as I began translating my pick-up lines into Kuntanease, a pop-up ad for pelvic floor exercises appeared. The Khunt I was trying to woo immediately recoiled and left the prayer circle. I returned to D.C. empty-handed.

This has little to do with the Gays but more of a broad observation of how technology is ruining my career.

I support you.

I do.

But for the love of God, don’t change my app icons next month when I travel to Afghanistan to judge the Taliban’s Lovely Girl Contest.

Spoiler alert. Both the winner and loser die.

My point is it’s a serious fucking world.

I’m all for turning these people, but inshallah, it will be done slowly and respectfully in keeping with their customs and traditions.

If not, that’s their choice.

Alright, I’m at the brothel. Doing a piece for Vice News. Hey, the chase for a headline never ends.

Alright, I’m losing my erection, gotta go.

Jack Hennessy

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Remember to visit

Peter William Murphy

’s publication for more. I was a guest on his podcast with

Philip Ogley

on June 23rd, so you should at least check out that video.

If you’d like to be an actual ally, support this queer-owned publication by becoming a paid subscriber. Through the end of July, you can do it for $3 per month ($30 per year). It’s a 50% discount on the regular price.

If you do, I promise not to out any undercover writers or reporters.

If you feel generous, subscribe at the full price of $6 per month ($60 per year).

Either way, I appreciate your support, and I hope you don’t get thrown off a building.

Thanks!