How Can You Be Confident When You're an Introvert?

I'm just fine here in my shell, thank you very much

Photo by Michael Williams on Unsplash

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Last month, I spoke with Sue Reid, owner of the publication Confidence Matters by Sue Reid, and author of the book Building Confidence: How to Thrive as a Shy Person.

Watch our recorded conversation here:

A Conversation About Confidence with Sue Reid

Or listen to the audio podcast version.

As I mentioned in the video, I was a shy kid. I think it’s partly in my nature. I’ve never been loud, boisterous, or one who craved the spotlight. This may seem odd, given the number of times I’ve been on live Substack videos and recorded article voiceovers and audio podcasts.

I also used to love acting in school and community theater. Yes, I fit that gay stereotype. I think the reason that particular association exists is that many of us in the Queer Community felt the need to hide our true selves in fear of judgment and rejection. In the theater, we could express ourselves however we wanted under the guise of “acting,” when in fact, it was merely a different aspect of our personalities.

I feel the same when appearing on live videos. I display a more extroverted version of myself that most people in my life don’t see. It’s not an act; it’s still me. I still consider myself an introvert, because I don’t like to spend a lot of time in large crowds or gatherings.

I attended a Meetup group activity last year at a bar with about 15 or 20 other people. It was fine for a while, but then they wanted to leave that bar and go to another bar. I thought Go to a different bar full of another crowd with loud music? Why? Isn’t this enough? No, thank you. I declined and said I needed to get up early or some crap excuse like that. After a while, people are just too much. I need a break!

Part of my introversion may be genetic, but my environment reinforced it, including how I was raised.

I was taught in church and at home that being proud or boastful was a sin. No significant accomplishment could be achieved without God, so to boast about it would be akin to equating oneself with Him.

Pride goeth before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.
Proverbs 16:18 (KJV)

What our teachers didn’t account for is being proud of oneself without it crossing over into arrogance.

Nevertheless, as children, we were taught to believe and obey without question. This led me to hide any talents I had, to stay in the background, quiet and respectful. To draw attention to oneself was uncouth. Because of this, I was never encouraged to pursue acting or theater, which I would’ve loved to do.

When I was finally old enough and wise enough to break free of the indoctrination instilled in me, I felt it was too late to pursue those talents as career choices. Becoming a full-time writer and podcaster has, in some ways, scratched that itch.

Have you been hesitating about appearing on live videos because you’re an introvert? Well, I carry around a shell too, but that’s not stopping me from going on camera. Still, it’s not for everybody and that’s fine. I still get nervous before hitting that “Go live” button, especially if I have a guest whom I’ve never met face-to-face, or if I plan to discuss a controversial or vulnerable topic.

You may be considering putting yourself out there on video, recording your voice, or expressing your innermost thoughts and feelings through your writing. Being an introvert doesn’t have to stop you from being successful on Substack or anywhere else.

The more you put yourself out there, the easier it gets.

Another aspect that helps is having a supportive community. The first time I went live, Karen Marie Shelton invited me to have a “cat chat” with her. She’s been an awesome supporter for a few years, from when I was regularly writing on Medium.

The first time I went live alone, it was an experiment, testing my phone to make sure everything worked. I didn’t even expect anyone to show up to watch. However, a few of my followers and a couple of friends from my writing group came into the chat and let me know how everything looked and sounded.

Joining an online community can be very helpful, and you don’t have to worry about them showing up at your door, unless you give out your address. You also don’t have to come up with an excuse when you start feeling awkward at one of their parties. You simply log off or shut your laptop.

Many extroverts will try to bring us introverts “out of our shells” as if something is wrong with us. Don’t worry, I’m not trying to convert you (or myself) into being an extrovert. I’m simply pointing out that you don’t have to limit yourself based on society’s idea of who you might be.

Can you relate to being shy or introverted?

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